Matriculation in the society of undoneness.

Woke up with a very strange feeling today, like I had been suffocating in my sleep and my instinct of self-preservation, the one that usually wakes me up from those innocent attempts on my life, was not quite kicking in. Reminded me of my mortality.

I am still thinking about a book I finished a few days ago, Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott, where the author says to let go of your inhibitions about how others will perceive you and "write as if your parents are dead." I know she didn't mean any harm by it, but I could tell you to write as if you know your parents will never read it...kind of like how porn stars must think.

Somehow, this all made me think about everything that gets started and never gets finished. I think that may be the process of an artist. Someone used to tell me I had too many irons in the fire. Then, it could be that I also suffer from the problem that I can't leave something done. Although I think I suffered from this malady much less in my earlier years, it is clearly not showing any improvement with age. DaVinci did say that work is seldom finished, only abandoned. Someone else, probably Ward Cleaver, said, "Leave well enough alone."

I'm a matriculated student of the perfectionist society (synonym: takes a while to finish). Problem is, I also have anxiety. This is why I have very little to show you from day to day, and then suddenly I have a lot all at once! --those are the culmination of many moments of focus coming together over time.

I have someone here at home helping me with certain issues relating to my craft. The fact that I didn't want to do anything this weekend except lay around on the sofa, he remarked, could mean that maybe I'm treating my painting like a job now! ROFL "But", I often say in angst, "I can't force creativity! It's either not there, or it's there at 2 am, and that's when I need to work." So be it.

Being still relatively young on this Earth, I am still learning, still wondering if effectively managing my time has anything to do with wisdom. Could be that you just slow down and enjoy the moment more and that helps you focus.

I have brilliant episodes of focus, periodically.

I remembered being more single-minded in my 20s, and I could really get something done. I want to de-clutter my mind so that just that little act that I want to focus on right now is the ONLY thing in my line of sight, physically and psychologically.

When this happens to you, isn't it just the most incredible moment of productivity?

So, I will go about my day today, with a list, again, trying to recreate that moment of zen, single-minded focus on that one item on my list. After all, a show of promise is better than no plan at all, I suppose.

I hope you enjoy this piece, a commission for a friend.

PS. Hi Mom!

POST BLOG UPDATE: From a comment mentioned hereafter, you can de-clutter your home and apparently, your mind with some help from a couple of ladies. Good luck to all: I'm going to read some more. Magpie Girl's Blog on the fix

Matriculation in the society of undoneness.