As my artist's statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance. -- Calvin and Hobbes

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Matriculation in the society of undoneness.

Woke up with a very strange feeling today, like I had been suffocating in my sleep and my instinct of self-preservation, the one that usually wakes me up from those innocent attempts on my life, was not quite kicking in. Reminded me of my mortality.

I am still thinking about a book I finished a few days ago, Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott, where the author says to let go of your inhibitions about how others will perceive you and "write as if your parents are dead." I know she didn't mean any harm by it, but I could tell you to write as if you know your parents will never read it...kind of like how porn stars must think.

Somehow, this all made me think about everything that gets started and never gets finished. I think that may be the process of an artist. Someone used to tell me I had too many irons in the fire. Then, it could be that I also suffer from the problem that I can't leave something done. Although I think I suffered from this malady much less in my earlier years, it is clearly not showing any improvement with age. DaVinci did say that work is seldom finished, only abandoned. Someone else, probably Ward Cleaver, said, "Leave well enough alone."

I'm a matriculated student of the perfectionist society (synonym: takes a while to finish). Problem is, I also have anxiety. This is why I have very little to show you from day to day, and then suddenly I have a lot all at once! --those are the culmination of many moments of focus coming together over time.

I have someone here at home helping me with certain issues relating to my craft. The fact that I didn't want to do anything this weekend except lay around on the sofa, he remarked, could mean that maybe I'm treating my painting like a job now! ROFL "But", I often say in angst, "I can't force creativity! It's either not there, or it's there at 2 am, and that's when I need to work." So be it.

Being still relatively young on this Earth, I am still learning, still wondering if effectively managing my time has anything to do with wisdom. Could be that you just slow down and enjoy the moment more and that helps you focus.

I have brilliant episodes of focus, periodically.

I remembered being more single-minded in my 20s, and I could really get something done. I want to de-clutter my mind so that just that little act that I want to focus on right now is the ONLY thing in my line of sight, physically and psychologically.

When this happens to you, isn't it just the most incredible moment of productivity?

So, I will go about my day today, with a list, again, trying to recreate that moment of zen, single-minded focus on that one item on my list. After all, a show of promise is better than no plan at all, I suppose.

I hope you enjoy this piece, a commission for a friend.

PS. Hi Mom!

POST BLOG UPDATE: From a comment mentioned hereafter, you can de-clutter your home and apparently, your mind with some help from a couple of ladies. Good luck to all: I'm going to read some more. Magpie Girl's Blog on the fix


  1. Hi Rebecca,

    I thought this was a great piece the minute I saw it on Facebook today. And the Trio of Sunflowers you have in your Etsy shop....WOW!

    Your reflections on this post are a lot to consider. I follow a number of blogs and after reading yours, it made me thing of something else I read today on this blog: Check it out, you may find it interesting. I did, but I don't know what I'll follow through on after reading it!!!???!!! lol

    Get well too!

  2. Very philosophical....haven't seen you in awhile. :)

  3. Kathleen, Ha ha ha. you so funny, lady!

    Sully, I'm here, pondering existentialism.

  4. Screw it - just lay on the sofa and enjoy yourself. Soon you will be dead and all that stuff you thought was important and would live on will be a a trash can and you will be forgotten. Paint when you want, what you want, and have Eric (or John, or Bob, or Mark, etc.) make some money so you can eat.

    Unless, of course, you are one of those NOW women. In that case spit on the men and go hungry or get busy painting.

    I spoke to Erin Moreno, the water aerobics instructor. It is Tom and Jim? Patrick that she feels knows you and are some sort of relative of hers.

  5. All that, Bill and no comment about my painting? thanks for advice. geez. I am making him get a second job now, so I wont have to work at all.

  6. Well, first of all, I'm not talking to you since you think Lisa should be posting. I'm not even sure she is still alive. I haven't heard from her in a long time.

    Secondly I didn't do so good with the names - should be Michael & Jeffrey Patrick.

    The painting is fine. I'm wondering why you chose to do 4 pieces instead of a single painting.

    I want to hear you sing. Make me a CD since you are not exactly moving along on the weed painting.

    Your pal,

  7. Bill, the decision to paint 4 canvases was the choice of the client.

    Yours is coming...

    ps. I'm sorry, but the people who have my recordings say they are lost...she is looking for them. sad.

  8. Well hello! I've been on FB all morning...Look me up! I caught your blog address on the aceo forum. Nice to see you here. And the art is beautiful. I'm sure your client will love it. As far as feeling like you are suffocating at night...maybe you are? My husband got a CPAP machine to help alleviate his snoring after a 42 yr. old neighbor died of heart failure from not getting enough air at night due to sleep apnea from snoring. You might want to get it checked out.


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