As my artist's statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance. -- Calvin and Hobbes

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Wonder Woman must have been bulimic

We have been remodeling our master bathroom for a couple of weeks now. We tiled the floor, Eric built a custom cabinet, and we are even going to tackle a concrete counter top! I was going to just paint the walls, but felt that was kind of a lazy finish to all that custom work, especially because I am a professional decorative artist, so I decided to give the room a good Venetian Plastering!

After having my business for the last 3 years, it seems a little strange for me to admit that I don't actually have any decorative finishing at all in our home! It's not that I don't like any of it, but the house is more contemporary. Luckily, Venetian plaster is one of those cool things that looks great anywhere.

I knew I had my work cut out for me, because the walls were not smooth and needed to be sanded before I began, but when I got up on a ladder to see the wonderful job the builder's accomplice had done leaving huge amounts of dry wall plaster in the corners, I nearly impaled my hand on one of those ridiculous star patterns stamped from drywall mud on the ceiling, a common sight in homes in the south. I had to take on the ceiling before I started the walls. If you take a big palette knife, you can scrape the peaks down and although it still wont be completely smooth, it will be paintable and it looks a helluva lot better. Plus, it wont fu#*ing send you to the hospital!

Alas, once the ceiling was done, I felt that I had just done 600 reps on my arms! It continued from there. In the 10 years since I've moved to Atlanta from Seattle, I've honestly done little more than exercise my right bicep to lift a martini now and then. It's not my fault, it's the heat. Sucks the drive right out of you, which sucks because in warm weather, you need to look good wearing little clothing! Still, it makes me think about how celebs get such great bodies. There are two logical explanations: Starvation and cocaine. They say "sexy bitches" for a reason, because you can't look that good with being completely irritable from the lack of calories!

So, eventually I moved on to a primer coat, then several layers of plaster, and some more sanding. After 6 days of keeping my arms up in the air, burning thousands of calories, feelin' the burn, I stepped on the scale (big mistake), and I gained a pound! Must be water retention. Wonder Woman must have been bulimic.

She was drawn at the monthly drink and draw session at Mellow Mushroom in Decatur, GA. I sit right near the front at a low table, while the super hero models stand on top of the bar, giving me a crotch-worthy perspective every month. I ran out of room on my sketch pad..hehe, and hastily made her head too small, but it was so far up in the air, who could know?! (Must have been during the drinking part of the evening) Next month, I'll sit further back to snatch a better view!

We still have to put the room back together and I have to seal the plaster, but I can see completion coming and going back to my martini...Maybe there's some sort of time delay on arms of steel. Maybe they'll just show up next week, and that pound will have gone away! Perhaps changing to red wine will be as good for those muscles as it is for my heart!


  1. It's muscle weight Becca...all good. Can't wait to see the finished bathroom. You guys can do ours next!! ;)


  2. I hooted and howled with laughter when I read this. Well done!!! and thanks for making my day. Your writing is wonderful as well as your art!

  3. I love renovating rooms! At a standstill right now because i'm not allowed to renovate - living in my parents house while they're living overseas for 3 years - don't think they'd appreciate their house changed to my tastes while they're gone. (I did get a chance to do the bathroom though!)
    And i agree with the previous comment, the one pound is all muscle! :)
    Kat @ SassmowthDesigns

  4. So now your arms are toned and the size of Twiggy's how did the butt fare with all this decorating work?

    I just love the sound of a drink and draw night. It has to smooth out the rough edges of failure.

  5. Maria, the pound did come back off! hooray!

    Leola, Thanks! Wait till you see what I've done to your painting! HA!

    Kat, Consider yourself lucky to be able to create right now! Renovating has taken me away from painting for nearly a month. UGH!

    Bill, thanks! My Butt is looking pretty good! I'll never be as thin as twiggy, not in my latino makeup, but I could work in a little J.Lo action if I keep this up!

  6. I think she looks very cool.
    Did you know that Pin Up artists from the '40s and '50s made the heads smaller on purpose?
    See, you're a natural pin up artist. Big legs, small head. Sounds like a dinosaur doesn't it?
    (not you, of course, just the art)

  7. like that movie, Meet The Robinson's...."I can't because I have a big head and little arms! I don't think you thought this through!"


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