Everyone wants a good lap dance!

Ahhh, the feeling of sheer bliss..loving and being loved. Haley wants to be a lap dog, but has found little room left in luxuryville.

Sitting on the lap of luxury is where I desire to be, only this last year has made the lap a little too snug to really get comfy. For some, having a smaller lap is desirable. For me, I say, not enough lap, not enough ME time!

So, in pursuit of my new new year's resolution (remember I rejected all others to merely resolve to live in the moment), I'm making my first top 10 list, but completely inspired by Hollywood.

1. Put on makeup first thing in the morning, cuz makeup makes me look glamorous, and if you look good you will feel good, darling.

2. Don't wear a thong that is too tight. It's better to go up a size to eliminate the bulges.

3. Don't eat meat for a week, cuz Gwenneth Paltrow doesn't at all, and she's pretty. Plus, those colon cleanse centers seem a little creepy, so I'm just doing it my way. (It's day 4, btw, so I'm 4/7 done)

4. Throw away or sell at least one thing per week that I've been hoarding for 20 years. I don't know if this will do anything, but Mom says if you get rid of the old, you'll have room to go shopping and that's good for any girl, clearly.

5. Delete or tear up all bad pictures of myself. Do I have to explain?

6. Make a poster child out of my little white mutt, Haley. I've been told Peanut gets too much attention.

7. Eat less fruit combined with milk chocolate and more fruit combined with dark chocolate. It's healthier.

6. Even though science says milk combined with coffee makes the milk worthless, I will drink more lattes and less half and half in plain coffee.

7. Buy a lottery ticket every week, because a dollar saved doesn't do a whole freakin' lot when lattes cost 4 bucks!

8. Stop obsessing about how many bids I have on Ebay. If they want, they'll buy and eventually I'll get the Google app to run on my home page.

9. Lose myself in more movies (now, if only they'd make a good one more often). I find that imagining you're in the middle of something completely unrealistic gives you something to strive for.

10. Skip like a princess, talk like a Queen.

Everyone wants a good lap dance!